Monday, 2 January 2012

Day 2

OK, I'm not going to do a blog every day. So I immediately regret titling these "Day 1" and "Day 2". Foolish schoolboy error. Regardless, I should at least take comfort in the fact that these are blogs done on day 1 and day 2, so technically are correct. Yeah! In your face, fact!

Anyway, second day, second failure. No musicians. Ah well, screw it. I give up. This is clearly a rubbish challenge. Maybe instead I should actually just try to eat breakfast 90% of my waking life. Imagine that. Eating some form of breakfast produce for about 14 hours a day. I would treat coffee, tea and orange juice as breakfast beverages but would be mildly annoyed at being out and speaking to someone, and having to pause to stuff a mcmuffin or something into my gob.

OK, clearly I have nothing useful to say. I want to give up. I actually feel really depressed by this. I'm optimistic I can do it, but I'm lonely at the thought of having to do it alone. Not alone in the physical sense as I know I have a lot of support from friends, family and fans, but alone in the emotional sense. I have lost my partner, and the person that drove a backbone of support for me when I did these things. There is never a good time to grieve, and your mind can be consumed by all the things you had. My mind, whilst travelling through London, is haunted by memories. I wake up and for a moment still feel her with me, then she's gone. And I'm alone, having to face this world and this ridiculous challenge that I've set myself.

I guess, in some ways, I understand things do happen for a reason, and the loss I feel now will toughen me up for the year ahead. It's also one of the driving forces to do this challenge. I will honour her memory and the memory of our love, and do the thing I set out to do. Her love actually made me strong enough to finally succeed at the things I wanted. Now I have to realise that this love comes from within me, and that her love will always be a part of me, moving me on through the ether.

OK, clearly I have nothing useful to say. Onto day 3. First I have to overcome solitude (actually finding a musician), then I have to overcome rejection (statistically, most of the musicians will probably say no). I also understand I probably look and seem like a mental patient when I go up to these people.

Oh, and don't get me started on actually finding a venue!!!

Uuurgh. Whose idea was this again????

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